Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Life and I

We were lovers once, Life and I. Life was mine and I loved it so very much. We spent so many warm summer days dreaming until even the sun got tired of our rampant chatter of the future and where it would take us. We were free, even more free than that sun who knew she would have to return to the sea to rest until her responsibilities called her to wake the in the morning. We didn't have to wake, not tomorrow, not the next day, not ever. We could dream forever and in the darkness we only saw the stars. Life kept me warm and held me up. He made me feel unafraid. I felt that whatever I wanted he would give it to me. He fascinated me and made me want to be better, smarter, stronger. There were so many things to learn about Life. He was always changing and keeping me amazed. Life and I were young and unafraid.

We stayed together a long time Life and I. Things got a little more complicated as we got older. Life did some things to me that I didn't understand. He hurt me. He left me broken at times. Shattered me and left me that way for days, weeks, sometimes months. He took things from me, things I never thought I could go on without. I felt Life had deceived and abused me but I took him back every time. He never left me. When everything around me fell Life was the constant variable. There were times I considered leaving Life for good. Packing my bags and never returning to Life, but I stayed. I stayed and I struggled. There were no more warm summer days. Life and I woke up one day in the future that we used to dream about, but our dreams and our reality were not the same. They never are.

It has been longer than I can remember that Life and I have remained companions. We are not fighting like we used to. We have accepted each other. We have come to terms with the pain and the joy. We are simply waiting and being. I know that Life will leave me soon, so I do not trouble him. I take much better care of him now that our time together is fleeting. I can say that I am bitter with him at times but I am still moved by him. We have such a strange relationship now Life and I. We are honest to each other. We are not the passionately hopeful young couple we used to be. Nor are we the intensely frustrated adults who felt the truth for the first time. We act like dear friends who have lost touch, who are trying to get back to how we used to feel towards each other. We are trying to know each other for the first time, and we are afraid that we have run out of time, that it is far too late.

I want to love you again. I want to love you until we are no more.

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